There isn’t a day that we don’t remember and miss our loved one who died too soon. I appreciated your response to “J,” who is helping plan a 50 th high school reunion, and sought your opinion on including the daughter of a deceased class member.Īs a bereaved mother, I especially liked your suggestion that other family members of the deceased, including parents, be invited. You could try to telegraph your expectations in advance of your visit by telling your daughter, “I assume I’ll see Jackson’s mother while I’m visiting, but I hope that I can also enjoy some family time with just you, Jackson, and baby.” One boundary your daughter should establish immediately is that her mother-in-law should not pop in, unannounced. But of course the real joy of grandparenting is to give attention.

You are not wrong to want undivided attention. Your assumptions about the dynamic might turn out to be entirely correct, but entering the family system worrying mainly about what you won’t get (enough alone-time with your daughter and grandchild) might not be best for your daughter right now. My first piece of advice is that you shouldn’t buy a problem before they’re on sale. She is an attention seeker, and all I’ll really want is time with my daughter and the baby.Īm I wrong to want this? My daughter is in the precarious position of trying to be warm and welcoming, and while she is capable of setting boundaries, this may not be her fight. My worry is that when I visit my daughter and the new baby, the mother-in-law will come over and “suck all the oxygen” out of the room. Our relationship is not exactly warm, but definitely cordial. The mother-in-law is a very big personality and often demands attention (especially after a cocktail or three). She and her husband, “Jackson” moved to a community not far from his mother. My wonderful daughter is soon to have her first child. Ask Amy: Betrayed wife could move on by moving on

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